My Intention

I love my job so much! And one of the things I get to do is be a ketamine guide for my clients. A key aspect to ketamine treatment, is having an intention. What is your goal/purpose for this session. And my clients hold that intention as they receive their ketamine. I have witnessed the power and beauty of having an intention. And quite frankly, I’m going to assume going under anesthesia is quite like a ketamine trip!

So I’ve decided to come up with my own intention that I am going to take with me to the OR. I’m going to reconnect with my grandma, who I called Grammy, and tap dance my way through surgery. We are going to dance, sing (Naughty, naughty, naughty you), and laugh. I hope Grammy refills my spirit with her zest for life so that when I come out of this season, I am living better than I was before! 

I’m also going to tell her all about Antonio and Javi. I’m even going to share one of Antonio’s songs with her because every time I hear it it makes me want to love even harder. Actually, come to think about it, Grammy, would probably love to hear his song about his cat named Lauren. I’m going to share that one with her too! We are going to have a good time!

Grammy has always been an inspiration to me. She showed me how to be yourself and not to care what others think. She was a trailblazer and always pushed boundaries and social norms. She was one of the first females at her place of employment. She attended college in her 50s. She did and lived life the way she wanted. She showed me that you are never too old to learn something new and it definitely didn’t matter if you were good at it, as long as you are living. 

Grammy was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 59. She was my first connection to cancer, but I never feared her cancer. She took it with such grace. She would talk to us all the time about her cancer, she would even show us her scars, and tell us about putting Kleenex into her bra to “even out her breasts.” 

She was also very confident in how she wanted to treat her cancer. She was one of the first patients in Colorado to receive a lumpectomy and she was in the first trial for Tamoxifen (which is the hormone pill used today to treat estrogen positive cancer). She tried radiation and hated it. I remember her always telling me, “Cancer is not going to kill me, I am going to die with it.” And that is what happened. She lived her life and she did die, but not because of her cancer. 

I always thought if I were to ever get breast cancer, I would do exactly what she did. And here I am, doing the exact opposite!!! But the unique thing is, I’m actually doing exactly what she wanted. Do what feels right for you and not what others think you should do. And that’s what I’m doing. I feel her confidence in my decision. I feel her cheering me on. I know she is proud of me. She is my inspiration and lighting rod through this. And I can’t wait to dance with her in the OR and begin creating my new canvas of life when I get out of the OR. I love you and miss you. And I hope you, Papa, Uncle Jimmy, the dogs, and kitties have found your Xanadu in Heaven above.