I'm Alive Part 2

Alright, so after my last post, more things came up from my hospital stay that I would like to journal for my own memory.

Waking up from anesthesia. I remember waking up from anesthesia and the first thing I noticed was my incision pain. Man, did it hurt! My chest did not hurt at all, it was my abdominal hip to hip incision. For some reason in the post op room they weren’t allowed to give me pain killers (I think it was too close from whatever they gave me in the OR), but they said as soon as I get moved to my room, I can get some pain killers. So I was determined to “stay awake” to get move to my new room stat. I also couldn’t wait to see Antonio and hold his hand. I remember when I was finally able to hold his hand after my mastectomy, it sent this feeling of warmth through my body and that was all I was needing at that time.

So in my efforts to “stay awake” I remember telling my nurse, Taylor, “I am going to close my eyes, not because of the anesthesia, but because I am bored.” There was nothing to do in pre-op except to lay with my pain, so sleeping was the only viable option!

Then I remember, my NP from Dr Potter’s office, Whitney, came to check in on me. She caught me by total surprise. I did not know Dr. Potter’s office was going to check on me and she always told me “you’ll never see me in the operating room” so I took that meant, I wouldn’t see her at the hospital. So evidently she ends her days, swinging by the hospital to check on her patients. It brought tears to my eyes to see a familiar face and someone who knows me. I asked her if she could sneak me pain killers and she said “No” but I can let them know you are ready to move to your room and we can get you meds there.

I’m not sure when my blood pressure got low, but I don’t think I ever got my pain meds when I got to my room, but I was at least with my mom and Antonio and that did a lot for my pain!

I don’t remember them embracing me when I saw them, I remember them being wide eyed as I was rolled in with my oxygen and bear hug, being plugged into monitors. That’s when it got real.

Almost my whole hospital stay, I was wondering why did I do this? Then one day, maybe night, I was talking to my nurse and asked her what made her want to get trained in DIEP care. She told me she loved working with oncology patients, they are so grateful and just happy to be here. With the DIEP surgery, for the most part, that means oncology patients are near the end of their cancer journey. Many patients have been on this journey much longer than me. It’s a point of rebuilding and starting a new chapter. When she said the word “oncology patient” that sent a chill through my body and that was my reminder that I am too, an oncology patient, and that is why I’m having this surgery. Not because I woke up one day and decided to fillet my body and reorganize it, but because my body had been invaded by cancer and this is my way of rebuilding it. That is why I was there and after she said that, I became at peace with my why I was in the hospital room and why I was going through this.

GOING HOME!

Bed vs Recliner. Holy moly it is nearly impossible to get in and out of bed. At the hospital it took two nurses to get me into bed since I can’t use any core or arms. Sitting in a recliner was just that much easier. So as Antonio mentioned earlier, he called Pops the day of discharge to see if we could borrow their recliner! My dad had it all set up for me by the time I got home! However, with this recliner, it was all manual. I was unable to pull the lever to put it down. I then needed help to stand me up. I was 100% dependent on my mom and Antonio. It took both of them to get me out of the chair. Both their backs were soar, both had to take tylenol for their backs, both deserve a massage!

So after three days on intensive home care by Antonio and my mom, we decided to look into renting a medical power lift recliner where I would be able to get in and out of it by myself. These chairs are pretty darn cool and didn’t know they existed! So once again, my dad and ally were more than happy to take on this mission. My dad has already become good buddies with the home health people due to Ally, so he knew exactly where to go and who to talk to. In less than 24 hours, my dad a power lift recliner delivered to our house! It has made a huge difference and gave me more autonomy! I was able to go to the bathroom by myself in the middle of the night!! A huge win for everyone involved.

Javi also loves my chair and the arm rests are big enough where he can sit on the arm rest and get mommy snuggles in without being on top of my incisions! There are many morning where he sneaks into my chair around 4 or 5am and falls asleep next to me until he has to wake up for school.

Friends. I am so lucky with the friends I have made through life. I guess that is one advantage to moving all the time, I got to meet my best friends in each place we lived! And for the record, I have multiple best friends from all walks of life! Never ever would I have ever imagined I would be needing help from them like this, but so grateful I have friends who will show up for me in the raw!

First friend came to visit was Kristin aka Burk. We’ve known each other since 5th grade, but became BTSC for life since 6th grade (BTSC, referencing a 6th grade science project we had to create BTSC stands Buff Tough Space Cadets). Due to her timing, she became my wound care nurse. My mom and Antonio were ever so grateful for her presence as I was starting to get very cranky. We hold a special type of humor together and it was the perfect level of humor I needed to get through these next couple of days.

I had my surgery on Tuesday, came home on Thursday, went to the doctor on Friday, and Burk showed up Friday evening. My doctor told me my focus for the weekend was to pass a BM (bowel movement, aka poop). So Saturday with Burk turned into Operation Poop. Whatever I did for my mastectomy, was not enough so this time I was willing to go big to prevent what happened last time. Burk swears my magnesium citrate and that was what her doctor told her to do after one of her operations. So I decided to trust her and added some more steps that Ally told me to do as well. With Miralax, colace, senakot-S, and then the super power magnesium citrate, I finally passed a BM Saturday evening and it was such a relief. I drank the magnesium citrate Saturday mid morning. It was not the worst tasting poop medicine I have had, but it was pungent. It tasted like a cherry bomb shot you would order on sixth street to shoot back. But I had to shoot it back multiple times in a row. Then after drinking it, my body felt disgusting. I called Ally up because I felt so bad. I felt so nauseous and sick to my stomach. Ally told me that is a reaction from the magnesium citrate and I just have to wait it out. ARRRRR. I might have sent Burk some daggers through my eyes during this event. It took EIGHT hours before the medicine worked on me. Label said anywhere between 30 minutes to six hours. I was losing hope around hour 4, but so grateful when I had the release at hour 8. I was able to void (new vocab I learned from the hospital!) without any straining or pain! I would totally recommend this to anyone who is struggling to poop after surgery. Ever since that day, I’ve been able to have a movement with the help of daily miralax and senakot-s! I’m starting to wean myself from senakot and seeing if I can just do miralax.

Burk stayed with us for five days. There wasn’t much time to do much as I was around the clock care during her stay with meds, showers, walks, wound care, meals, etc. And boy, did she stay on top of my animal protein intake! (secretly grateful for that) When she left, I was able to walk two houses down and had one drain remaining.

Burk left Wednesday, and Kirsten got here Thursday evening! Kirsten and I became BFF when I moved to Sugarland my junior year of high school. We were on the same club soccer team and went to the same high school. We bonded instantly over wearing t-shirts and sweats everywhere we went - and still do!

Kirsten got to come with me to my Friday appointment - she was excited to see them pull my last drain out! At that appointment (so about 10 days post op), their goal was for me to stand straight up straight and to really start walking in. We no longer need to do wound care, except daily cleansing. So Kirsten was task with keeping me moving and entertained and she excelled at that! We went for walk together, by her last day, I was able to walk .84 miles!! When we got home, I felt like I just played in a soccer game, and the following day I took a long nap. We went down memory lane watch classic movies of JTT and Devan Sawa which included Casper, Wild America, and Tom and Huck! It was so nostalgic and fun! However, I now understood why I was never a big Tom and Huck fan - that movie is scary!!!! Everyone loved it, so I think back in the day I pretended to love it, but man, did it scare me. It was still scary as an adult! And while watching Wild America, I still jumped in all the same places! Kirsten also helped out with a lot of house hold chores like dishes and laundry.

I am forever grateful to Nathalie, Burk, and Kirsten who all came out to help me and give my family a break. It was a very humbly experiences to have my friends take such good care of me during such a vulnerable time. I love you all!

Walking. So walking is critical to the recovery process of this surgery. They don’t want you to get stiff, so I have to move, move, move. In the hospital, I had to walk like a squatting duck. It was low, and it was painful. I had a walker to assist me. Then on Friday (3 days post op), they had me walking like a hunch back or an old granny. Hunched over. It did not burn the gluts as much, but my lower back did not like it. I was still utilizing my walker. Then the following Tuesday (one week post op), I got cleared to stand up straight (I was unable to stand up straight, but we now had a new goal of standing up straight). At that appointment, they told me to no longer use my walker. Yeah right, I was so fatigued! So I would practice walking about the house with no walker, but if I was in mom mode, then I utilized my walker for survival!

My walker quickly transformed into the snuggle chamber one night when Javi was struggling to go to bed without me. I stood in his room with my walker and he crawled into the snuggle chamber and stood in front of me. The snuggle chamber turned on, and he was filled with mommy snuggles as I rubbed his body up and down making a snuggle chamber noise. He then crawled out of the snuggle chamber when his snuggle tank was full and went to bed (for the most part). The snuggle chamber was been utilized multiple times since that night.

18 days post op. Here I am 18 days post op (I can’t believe it has been that long!). I started showering by myself 12 days post op with just rinsing my body. Yesterday, I had enough stamina and strength to wash my hair!

I’m wobbling around the house quite well, but get quite fatigued. I’m having to take my muscle relaxers or tylenol again with more movement. One night I was feeling good and started to help with dinner by chopping tomatoes. Then I realized, I’m not supposed to do that! Not sure why, but it’s a no no. Then I realized, I cant feel my chest therefore, I have no idea what’s happening on the inside! So I stopped the chopping and allowed Kirsten to continue with making dinner.

Now that my caregivers/friends are gone, I’m doing more for myself during the day (Kirsten left Thursday, so it’s been about 2.5 days “alone”). Bittersweet. I’m able to do it, but I am in more pain, more fatigued, and kind of grouchy.

We took Javi to Walmart yesterday evening because we told him if he took his antibiotic really fast and without complaining we would buy him a toy when he was done (yes, bribery for survival!). So we took him to Walmart - of course it was not an easy smooth pick up. He was tired and hungry and we still went because he wanted his toy. For the record, Antonio thought it was a bad idea. We went anyways. He knew he could only pick out one toy, of course when we got there, he couldn’t decide what toy he wanted. He examined every single toy and then was stuck between two. He started to throw a tantrum because we wouldn’t buy two. Yes, we were that family in Walmart with a kid throwing the trantrum in the toy aisle. We did not cave in and Javi eventually gained control of himself and settled back into the plan on getting one toy. Through this whole ordeal, I was standing, walking, pushing a cart, trying to figure out what to do with a tantruming child, it was exhausting! My body was done after that adventure. I was soar in so many areas and today, I pretty much have zero energy. If you are wondering, Javi choose the Pokemon Academy Challenge game. So Antonio and I are quickly becoming Pokemon experts! We are far from it, but trying!

Movement of my arms. I’ve been able to move my arms with this surgery! I was physically unable to move my arms with my mastectomy, with this surgery I was told not to move my arms at the beginning so my chest could heal. It is so much easier navigating life with use my arms! I only had to go 4 days without my arms.

Random photos. Here are random photos capturing some of the events from this past couple of weeks:

Oh and during my first week of recovery, it was much more intense than we planned, we decided to send Javi to SugarLand for the long weekend since they didn’t have school on Oct. 14th or 15th. Thank you to the Z’s and my dad for making that possible!

I’m not going to prooffread this post, or it'll never get posted. Here’s at least a bouncy ball run down on how we’ve been doing!