2 Months Post-Op

I can’t believe it has been two months!!!

Biggest question: what does it feel like?!

Expanders. I don’t even know how to describe expanders, so here I go. Its as if there is a leather corset tied to the inside of my chest. At the beginning I could feel it with every movement, now, I know it is there, when I try to bring my arms together, I can feel it squeezing me on the inside. It’s almost like wearing spandex on your chest, but it doesn’t wrap around your body, you only feel that uncomfortable tight squeeze in the front. It’s strange.

I can also feel where the ports are, which creep me out. It literally feels like there is a smooth rock stuck in my chest. My chest also goes a little concave where the port is.

I’m still filled with fluid in my noobs. Sometimes I feel like the fluid has gone down, other days I feel like it has gone up. Today it’s pretty full. Another way to describe my expanders would be if one were to fill zip lock bags with fluid about a ¼ the way and then sew that onto your chest as tight as it can go. It’s weird to feel the fluid swishing around the inside of you.

The expanders don’t cause any pain. I just know they are there. It’s more of an annoyance. Let’s just say, I’m looking forward to the removal and no longer having this feeling of wearing a corset underneath my skin!

Exercising. I started Pilates back up last week (so at 7 weeks post-op). It felt soooooooo good to move my body and get my heart rate up. I totally lost muscle strength during this time, but I will slowly but surely get it back. Pilates has been good for my arms and gaining movement back. They don’t feel as tight as they were before. My left arm is pretty much back to normal. I’m still working on range of motion in my right arm. And I can still feel a tightness/pull from my elbow to my midline. I’m not sure if that is from lymph node removal or expanders or a combo.

Before surgery I was able to do plank push-ups! About 10 of them! The most I’ve ever been able to do in my life! Right now, I either mentally can’t do one because I’m afraid I’m going to pop a stitch off of my expander, or that I actually lost that much strength. Not sure if it’s mind or body. But I was able to do push-ups with my knees on the ground! I could totally feel the pull and tug of the expanders in my sternum region.

I also ran today for the first time because I’ve been curious what is it like to run without boobs! AMAZING!!!!! Nothing was flopping me in the face or hurting my back or suffocating my lungs. The only thing I could feel was the expanders, which felt odd and annoying, and the fluid swishing around. Antonio and I might start adding some running into our morning walks.

Oh and so running without boobs, reminded me what it is like to do pilates without boobs! It’s crazy how much they got in the way. The neck pain I used to feel when doing certain exercises is gone now. I used to have to hold my neck because it hurt so bad, I thought it was because my muscles weren’t strong enough, but now I think it had to do with the amount of pressure and weight I was having to hold up. I can now do those same exercises without holding my neck, and it is not because I all of a sudden got stronger during this time!

It’s also mindblowing having so much more space in the chest region when moving arms. I no longer feel my boobs with certain movements and the movements feel more natural/align. My instructors are correcting my posture throughout because I have no idea where my body alignment is supposed to be and how it feels. I’m also no longer suffocating myself in boobs when having to do crunches where you are supposed to keep your neck tucked to your chin. It’s an awesome feeling!

Swelling/fluid build up. I don’t know if I’m swollen, if there’s fluid build up, bloated, or if I’ve just gained some fat, but underneath my arms has definitely gained a layer of something squishy and so has my abdominal region. My abdominal region changes sizes day to day, meaning some days it’s smaller and other days it larger and the size fluctuation changes to with each section of my abdominal region i.e. top v bottom. My stomach, literally jiggles like Santa Clause’s belly!

Clothes. The other day I was running errands and as I was passing the women’s section, I thought, “hmm, I wonder what it’s like to try on clothes flat” so I did! I should have taken pictures. It got me really excited for my upcoming surgery. I’m definitely loving the smaller chest, but looking forward to a little something. Styles that didn’t look good on me before are now fitting me! I wish I didn’t have my belly full of jelly, but what can I do about it?! Just gotta love it and shake it and watch it jiggle. Maybe if I’m up for it before surgery 2, I’ll bring Antonio shopping and we can make one of those dressing room montage videos that you always see in the movies! I have no need to buy anything as my size is about to change, but it would be fun just to see what else.

Bras. Optional! What I have right now on my chest is pretty deformed noobs and the shape is always changing depending where the fluid is. I can go without wearing a bra, however, my body still prefers to wear the compression bra during the day. It’s familiar with the fabric, and I feel like it is a gentle hug for my expanders. I don’t notice my expanders as much when I wear my compression bra. I even went for a walk without a bra on! It felt so freeing for the first five minutes, and then my chest/expanders was screaming for the compression. So I haven’t done that again.

However, wearing my compression bra is quite comfortable. If you knew me pre mastectomy, I absolutely hated wearing a bra and it would come off as soon as I walked through the door. I don’t mind wearing my compression bra at all.

Energy. I’m still working on building up my energy. I’m able to do more and more activities, but still need naps during the day. My brain is enjoying the vacation from thinking and is in no rush to get back to it, however, if I do need to use it, it’s willing to work for just a bit.